As I alluded to in my previous post, I have recently been having some social problems. This actually isn’t entirely accurate as I have had these problems for a long time and I am just now becoming aware of them. I have always been a little shy and introverted, but these traits became supercharged in high school. As I worked through school, I became more anxious, uncomfortable, and ashamed to be in public. I used to constantly worry about how I looked, how I smelled, and how I acted for fear that someone would see an imperfection and silently judge me for it. The strange thing is that I experienced very little bullying or taunting in high school and this can only mean that these feelings were just a product of my mind.
I would classify my days before I started nofap as socially negative. Unless I was around close friends, I would not be relaxed or outgoing, I would rarely talk to strangers or even acquaintances and when I did, I would be horribly awkward. I must have radiated a sense of low-self esteem, shame, and zero confidence through my posture, body language, and attire.
Since starting nofap, I have changed from this socially negative state to what I would call a socially neutral state. No longer do I feel ashamed or afraid in public. Instead, I feel comfortable, and relatively confident. This would be great, but I also find little desire or motivation to talk to new people. I realize that the only way solid friendships and relationships can form are through reaching out socially, yet I find myself constantly shying away from talking to new people in my classes or around campus. What is holding me back isn’t even intense fear, worry, or shame anymore; I simply lack the strong motivation to reach out to new people.
I do wish to change this as I have been horribly unsuccessful romantically in the past and do really want to have a successful relationship in college. I figure that socializing is something I’m going to have to work hard at just as I’ve worked hard to abstain from Porn and Masturbation. As long as I work to leave my comfort zone (thus expanding it) and talk to new people every day, I will finally reach a socially positive state, but it will be a long, uphill battle.
P.S.- Does anyone have any good advice for meeting and socializing with new people and especially flirting? If so, could you leave it in the form of a comment?
Start small? Hang out with your current friends – and more importantly – their friends, and grow your social network. Meet more people through the comfort of people you already know. Once that becomes normal, you won’t need that safety net anymore.
Of course, you could be pro-active, join clubs & common internet groups. Seems to be something that people always suggest doing. But it’s not something I’ve ever done so I don’t feel right suggesting it.
have you tried any type of online dating? it’s good for outside of your general vicinity, and if your intentions are clearly specified, can be quite successful